lost then found, no name.

found this in an old notebook, wrote it close to 3 years ago i'd guess.


you say you have a dream
well dreams are like bullet trains
made to burst at the seams
to be run into the ground

happiness is but an offhand wish
proposed by governors and their exes
so i'm writing down this list
of all the places i'd rather you be

this feeling is fleeting into the night
a hope, like a wish in a well
throwing in pennies for the chance of your life
save 'em all up and go far away

burn up and inhale
breath out the love
hope is just ashes
kept in a glass urn

if you say you hate today
then you gotta live for tomorrow
brushing your pain away
and sweeping away your sorrows
there's nothing entertaining about this
and nothing beautiful in defeat
but your scars will heal
and everything will be brighter
at least i can hope so

amanda's song

she said to me "that's the line that makes me cry
cause i feel same the same way"
so i said to her "i'll fill that emptiness
if i can"
and i could love you forever
if the situation was right
i know you're gonna keep running
til' you're out of breath
but i will try to catch you
somewhere down the line
with the wind at my back
and the sun overhead
i know i will
in time

You

i'm drunk again for three weeks straight
and this cigarette tastes like shit
i'm not addicted to anything
but you
but you

and it's always touch and go
like a sinner on deaths bed
with you
with you

but i'll wait here on his bed
cause it's sweeter than anything
but you
but you

and i'll wait, wait for the morning sun
to break, break on fevered bones
and i will sing, sing of the morning sun
breaking over me
me
me
and you
and you
and you

and if you can't hear my words
just know that they're all for
you
for you

I Think You're Pretty OK Too

there's not much that keeps me hanging on
but you're at the top of my list
and as soon we say goodbye
it's sure that you're already missed

i spent all day thinking i wanted to die
by night, not much changed
but a few sweet words from your two sweet lips
made me change my mind

i'll write you the best songs that i know how
and i'll hope they're good enough
if not i'll keep trying til i get it right
you'll just have to give me some time

this is my way of me tellin' you
just how much you mean to me
and my way of sayin' that i can't wait
to get lost in those pretty brown eyes

so have this song, for what it's worth
and take me as i am
it's just my simple of way of showin' you
i think you're pretty ok too

i'm not writing anything tonight.

skip

the record's scratched and keeps on skipping
the same four lines repeated
i know it by heart
it's the same tune i've been living
most all of my breathing
it's all in my heart

Splint

take these pills and wash em down
with a glass water
day in and day out it's all the same
why should we even bother
to get out of bed when the sun comes up
much less when it's going down
the sign of the times reads in my eyes
"the last exit home a thousand miles away"

i keep breaking without a splint to hold me together
and there's no telling what i'd give to be anywhere but here
i can't stand who i've become, but i can't find the strength to change

the sign of the times reads in my eyes
"the last exit home a thousand miles away"

i keep breaking without a splint to hold me together
and there's no telling what i'd give to be anywhere but here
i can't stand who i've become, but i can't find the strength to change

broken with you

the life and times
story book of my tragedy
the wrong and rights
chronicles of my blasphemy

they hear these words and pick them apart
turning them over from ending to start
but you hear these words and you know what i say
come to me now as i sing them today
together we'll walk hand in hand
together, against them we can stand

and i don't think one of them knows
what it's like to be broken
hiding the tears in your eyes
with words soft spoken
the stars are out tonight
but i'd rather stay inside
and be broken with you

Led Me Astray

some nights are worse than others
some nights i can't sleep by myself
some nights are worse than others
some nights i can't breathe without help

but at time's like these
my options are limited
yeah at times like these
i feel like giving up

so my door stays shut
locked in my room
hoping i can count on a song
with a little luck
locked in my room
i'll see just how i've been wrong

wrong about the dreams i passed up
and the feelings i lost
along the way
wrong about the seasons gone by
over days in mind
that led me astray

some nights are worse than others
some nights i can't sleep by myself
some nights are worse than others
some nights i can't breathe without help

but at time's like these
my options are limited
so at times like these
there's no way i can give up

It'd Be a Lie If I Said Every Song Wasn't for You

I just need a little bit of that toxic touch to get me goin'
After a round or two, the words in me just keep on flowin' out
Just keep on flowin' out

Rainy days and hazy ways are just enough to keep me down
I'll just stay inside all day, tryin' to perfect this imperfect sound
Tryin' to perfect this imperfect sound

And when the cold night leads me to you
It will be alright, cause I'll have you to see it through
The life in us will keep us warm
If that's too much, you can lean on me
You can lean on me
You can lean on me

I have got all these words, but they just don't mean a thing
And I can't expect them too 'til I find some meaning in myself
'Til I find some meaning in myself

So if you'll just take my hand, I know you will see
Though they say it can't be done, I will make you love me with a song
Yeah, I'll make you love me with a song

And when the cold night leads me to you
It will be alright, cause I'll have you to see it through
The life in us will keep us warm
If that's too much, you can lean on me
You can lean on me
You can lean on me

And when the cold night leads me to you
It will be alright, cause I'll have you to see it through
The life in us will keep us warm
If that's too much, you can lean on me

better off dead

i'm afraid
what's come to pass, can't be undone.
and i'm not asking to be happy
i just want to get out of bed by two
or maybe noon
now i'm know
it's too much for me
to filter the weight of the world.

mother asks
"are you home sick?"
no, i'm just sick
there's something wrong in my head
maybe i'd be
better off dead

cause no one wants to be here
but no one wants to leave
we're all too busy
wearin' our hearts on our sleeve
can anyone please tell me
what the hell does that even mean

we've all got lives we didn't earn
and we're payin' off the debt
i didn't want this responsibility
not when i just want to go back to sleep
it'd be better off in someone elses hands
someone who might give a damn
where the story goes
or if they've run out of pills to right this wrong
but i'm balancing spreadsheets by way of songs
they don't help all the time
but they've got a certain way about them to make me forget where i am

where am i?
somebody tell me.
where have i gone?

welcome the day

i'm too weak to give up
and too stubborn to give in
i'm gonna keep beating my head into the wall
and as the blood pours down my face
i will realize who i am
i'll be looking down on you from where i stand

with the night on fire again
i can show you how to burn
and as my cinders grace the heavens
your bodies lie in hell
always looking for an exit
your skin is stretched too thin
til i can see through you

these are the days i've lived for
these are the nights i've dreamt of
this is the one chance that i've got
the timing could not be better
i've passed all my chances to give up
so whether you're coming with me or not
this train leaves tonight

you can tell me i'm a fool
i don't care what you think
and that's the first true thing that i've said all night
you've given up on me
but i can't give up on myself
already done that one too many times

with my nose to the grind
i know i'll find success
living out the dream i've left
know that i'll find happiness
ink seeps through these pages
and word turns into song
this music saved my life

these are the days i've lived for
these are the nights i've dreamt of
this is the one chance that i've got
the timing could not be better
i've passed all my chances to give up
so whether you're coming with me or not
this train leaves tonight

and it's not that i don't care
but i can't just give up hope
i still believe in me
like i still believe in you
cause the stars aren't that far away
and the night is here to welcome the day

these are the days i've lived for
these are the nights i've dreamt of
this is the one chance that i've got
the timing could not be better
i've passed all my chances to give up
so whether you're coming with me or not
this train leaves tonight

these are the days i've lived for
these are the nights i've dreamt of
this is the one chance that i've got
the timing could not be better
i've passed all my chances to give up
so whether you're coming with me or not
this train leaves tonight
this train leaves tonight
this train leaves tonight

Miles of Corn Fields

the words i write for you
always seem to be my worst
but that's not the way i want it
you know you had me at the first
night of dancin'
all night drinkin'
naked swimming in that pool
all that kept it from being perfect
was his hand around your waist

in that iowa night sky
the stars were dancin'
in your eyes
a fevered dream
for all to see
and their jealous cries
of "make believe!"

now a thousand miles apart
but even closer than that night
i don't know when it'll happen
but you know we've gotta try
to get together
to see each other
makin' music all night long
and you know it will be perfect
with my hands around your waist

in that iowa night sky
the stars were dancin'
in your eyes
a fevered dream
for all to see
and their jealous cries
of "make believe!"

in that iowa night sky
the stars were dancin'
in your eyes
a fevered dream
for all to see
and their jealous cries
of "make believe!"

nuclear love

i can taste the ash on your lips
as clear as the salt on your skin
the sky lit up, making you a silhouette
and i watched your hair in the wind

but i wanna give this fall
from grace
a little character
so stab my teeth
with the daggers in your kiss
and swallow me whole or just my soul
with the nape of your neck

my jeans are tattered, my clothes are torn
you've ripped me apart in the throws of love
this effervescent passion surrounds me entirely
now i can't breath

but i wanna give this fall
from grace
a little character
so stab my teeth
with the daggers in your kiss
and swallow me whole or just my soul
with the nape of your neck

turn inside (out)
so i know where your heart lies
when the moon cries (out)
we'll have all we need
when the sun bleeds (out)
we'll dress up in war paint
and take on the world

but i wanna give this fall
from grace
a little character
so stab my teeth
with the daggers in your kiss
and swallow me whole or just my soul
with the nape of your neck

i wanna give this fall
from grace
a little character
so stab my teeth
with the daggers in your kiss
and swallow me whole or just my soul
with the nape of your neck

so undress me with war paint
and i'll bleed just like the sun

ray smith taught me many things

i been told pretty girls make graves
diggin' all day long for us boys made of clay
ain't no need to put it in a burlap sack and beat it to death
i know you ain't ever gonna let me rest
but if i keep giving you songs
maybe we can keep hum hum humming along

so pour me out like water from a vase
been kept too long
i done gone bad and i'll be better off, maybe
running down the gutter of the street with all the dead and gones
you and your kings can have your palaces
i'll keep the streets any day of the week
cause the streets are never ending and empty
just waiting to be filled
so sip your champagne
and listen to your minstrels
for me it's just red wine in my mouth
and a pile of fire wood

i'm dancin' in the wild with that wild butcher Japhy
and you know he's every bit as good as that ole Dean
we'll make our own way the only way we know how
by staring through light that's bursting at the seams
you can try to stop us
but no matter how you try
the world just goes
goes goes gone
twirl through the sky

i got heaven and hell right here in my satchel
and you can give it a try if you wanna give it a tackle
but i can't hold your hand
so don't you hold mine
just keep your head down
swear you'll be just fine

yet again i'm on a caffeinated tear
and it'll swallow you whole
like a goddam grizzly bear
so best look out when the clock strikes noon
cause right around then
imma be havin' to move
to the ancient midwest or some broken down shore
into a tin roof bungalow with salty dirt floors

be my friend as the sky falls
it's coming down now
help me break down ancient walls
it's coming down now
the story is old but the feeling's so new
it's all so new
and it's all coming down now

Light My Path (incomplete)

there's no map for this road i'm on
and moss don't point north
in these woods i'm lost in
tryin' to follow the stars
but clouds roll in
and i've lost my way again

light my path
i'm lookin at my feet
watchin my step
tryin to find what's familiar to me

when the stars burn out, do we go with them?
snuffed out cause they got a bad rap
cause we didn't pay our dues?

what makes the sky alive with fire?
is it the cave men in our mind's eye
rubbing sticks together for warmth?

Riddle/Playlist

you're speaking in riddles and i don't appreciate the sentiment
you're kidding yourself if you think that i like it one small bit
well, maybe just a little bit

so riddle me this
or riddle me that
riddle me everything you think i need know
just start with the start
and finish with me
you'll be the best riddle i've ever heard

you've been singing all night, i could really use some sleep
oh i think it sounds nice, but i'd rather you just let me be
yeah alright, who am i kidding?

please be my playlist
and sing to me sweet
your song's the only thing i ever wanna know
no, don't ever stop
all night and all day
you'll be the best playlist i've ever heard

All We Know

when the fire dies out, what's left but ash?
will you know how to live, when all else is past?
burn burn burn, that's all we know
burn burn burn, that's all we know

we can't just keep alight, that's not how it works
we keep on when it's dead, no matter how it hurts
live live live, that's all we know
live live live, that's all we know

i loved you once, standing all around
now my love is dead, buried underground
die die die, that's all we know
die die die, that's all we know

all we know
all we know

One Bedroom Flat

hang up the phone and take off your clothes
tell me something that no one else knows
don't turn away when i look in your eyes
i'm lookin' past tears and seeing through lies

the rain falls quietly outside
be my shelter to run and hide
keep warm when i'm at scared night
fill my soul with holy light
holy light

we can move to new york
i'll work in a bar
and write
in our one bedroom flat
you'll play your guitar
at night

and fall asleep with me
and fall asleep with me
and fall asleep with me
and fall asleep with me

with me
with me
with me

my dying day

i've abused my mind
with drugs and drink
i've lost myself
between the seams
i'm scared and alone
cause i sent her away
and i don't know
if i can make it out alive

now i'm burning my books
and my fingertips
running away as fast as i can

run run run
run away
run run run
'til my dying day

can't be sure

white powder melodies sing you to sleep
while smoke filled lungs play along in your dream
the powder and pills and the grass and the drinks
don't do a thing with the tears when you blink
binging all weekend won't make her care anymore
pretty soon you'll see you've forgot what it's for

now i'm startin' to sound a bit hypocritical
cause we all know i'm all kinds of criminal
chasin' round girls and chasin' down shots
long gone are days of forget-me-nots
so pour me a drink, yeah fill up the glass
and soon enough we'll forget about the past

something like this?
or something like that?
i can't be sure anymore.

trash on a lake bed.

a snowy day is all i want
is that too much to ask for?
but we both know that's not it
just the tip of the iceberg
and i'm looking at myself in the mirror
neither my reflection or i
like what we see, it could sure be better

the sullen eyes
hide behind lies
this piercing frown
keeps letting me down
and this hair that is never
quite the way i want
just shows how i feel about myself

none of this makes sense not even to me
so i don't expect any better from you
but i hope and i pray you understand
just what i'm going through
cause it seems to me
like you've been here too

so come along with me
so that you can see
my god this is trash
there's no way it can last
an odd reflection
a mirror perfect image
of just how i feel about myself

least of all

i'm drunk tonight on all hallow's eve
and the full moon is bearing down on me
i tried to escape the judgment in his eyes
but the man up there, sees me for all my lies
cause i'm not getting better, i know it's true
i lie to myself to see what gets through
not much is sticking
least of all

this idea that i have that I'm better off alone
that i'm healthier than when i left
that my mind isn't gone
that i'm seeing it through to a brighter tomorrow
and life is okay despite all the pain
that i've left all my sorrow

i don't expect much difference by thanksgiving day
but i'm gonna keep trying to feel okay
i don't want to give up yet even though i know better
but even the man on tv can't always predict the weather
and i'll keep coming up with these clever lines
and i'll try to believe these lies
but not much is sticking
least of all

this idea that i have that I'm better off alone
that i'm healthier than when i left
that my mind isn't gone
that i'm seeing it through to a brighter tomorrow
and life is okay despite all the pain
that i've left all my sorrow

fall pushing winter

october's been rough for me
for what it's worth, hope it's been better for you
not filled with nights
of countless drinks alone at a table for two

and if my math is correct
two minus one means that i'm still by myself
for now i'm taking my heart
off of my sleeve and putting on the shelf

cause i'm not breakin' down
cause i'm not givin' up
and i'm not comin' home
yeah i'll tell you i'm fine
and that everything's good
that i'm better off alone
so believe or not
i'll believe it too
it'll all be better when november comes

Release (Lungs Tighten)

there's a pressure in my chest
and it's tryin to get the best
of me and all i do
my heart's a hummingbird
i just need a gentle word
to calm me down
so call me on the phone
i don't want to be alone
not right now
i'm tired of being scared
and feelin' unprepared
i just don't know where to go from here

it's harder than it looks
not like the stories in books
with happy endings
always second guess myself
'til there's no more guesses left
i turn in circles
at times these words they aren't enough
they'll never be someone to touch
or hold me
gettin bye on day to day
what more can i say?
i swear sometimes it takes the best of me

blue lips

if you disappear i'm coming with you
cause can i feel our collision coming on strong
you're the sun
and i'm the horizon
so crash into me
and let me feel your warmth

yeah i know new york is cold
this time a year
but if your fingers get numb
i'll hold your hand
we'll be together come christmas-time
it's unavoidable

baby i won't let you cave
no way no how
cause we're in this together
together now
so yeah i'll pick you up when you fall
dust you off

we're just a couple of kids
running through the street
screaming out our lungs
waiting for our moms to call us home
i'm not gonna sweat it though
cause i'll see you in the morning

my masterpiece

can i complete this masterpiece?
will it fall through my fingers like sand?
like everything
will i awake with the sun in my eyes?
or will night fall down on me again?
and again
and again
again

everything is night and day
i need a new metaphor
to describe how i feel
cause the night ain't always so bad
and the day ain't all it's cracked up to be
while the sun may burn
the moon just shines on me

i've squandered these gifts like gold
i've wasted my youth like a fool in the lottery
left it all up to chance
and apathy
and sympathy
i want to play the hand i'm dealt
cash in my chips while i'm ahead
but for me to do that
i've gotta be
all in
i'm all in
i'm all in
i'm all in

and i'll fly from here
like a shooting star
burn up in the atmosphere
but don't worry
i won't waste your wish on me
no don't worry
i'll make sure it counts
it's gotta count
it's gotta count

can i complete this masterpiece
or will it fall through my fingers like sand?
like everything

Time Bomb

he said that "sometimes
you have to take it where you find it
in the good and the bad
and sometimes in both
and i know you're looking for a way out
cause the shit keeps piling on
but man i swear it gets better"

don't give up
(cause i'm not giving up on you yet)
don't let up
(cause i'm not letting up on you yet)

"then show me how" i said to him
"cause I'm stuck in this rut
and the hole's just getting deeper.
motivation comes in waves
if it comes at all.
and i can't stand see the morning come."

don't give up
(cause i'm not giving up on you yet)
don't let up
(cause i'm not letting up on you yet)

you're a time bomb
waiting to explode
and all this pain's just adding to the salvos
soon you'll understand
and the fuse will light
and on that day you'll blow them all away

the truth shines through

if all the world's a stage
like they say
then i'm it's biggest critic
'cause everyday
my words are more optimistic
than my heart tends to be
i'm singing 'bout beauty
my eyes have yet to see
and my biggest fear to date
is that it'll never come
that life passes us all by
and dreams set with the sun

i don't wanna be like you momma
never happy with what i've got
and no, i can't be like you papa
saying everything's OK, when clearly it's not

so where does that leave me?
in this sad, hopeless state
penniless and lonesome
looking for some way out
there's no light at the end of this tunnel
nothing but dark all around
i wish i had a guide
someone to show me the way
cause i'll be goddamned if i give it up now
when, even though it's raining outside
i know the weatherman can change his mind

no there's no chorus with this one
it won't be an easy lesson
i've seen hope in the cracks of the dark
and i can trace it with my eyes
i know the world may laugh at resilience
but my eyes haven't lied to me yet

shut us down

the coffee here ain't worth a damn
and i'm so ready for winter.
the summer sun's all well and good
but a fire is so much better
send me somewhere north
somewhere i can see my breath
where the only possible way to stay alive
is by dancing the night away

so come
come with me
yeah come
come with me

come with me to that stony bridge
that's just outside of town
or scream all night long
from the roof tops
til they try to shut us down
no they'll never shut us down

and when the stars at night fall from the sky
we'll catch them in jars
and save their light to light up the dark
it couldn't be that hard
when they start to fade out
we'll just head to the waterfront
where we won't even have to think about staying alive
cause we'll be dancin' the night away

so sing
sing with me
yeah sing
sing with me

sing with me 'til your voice breaks
and it's just the two of us
or laugh until we cry
as we run away
when they try to shut us down
no they'll never shut us down

beauty unfiltered

you're as ugly as a cryin' baby when you look at me that way
so straighten up like a good girl should
put on your best face and party clothes
now's not the time for business casual
now's the time for chasing dreams
so sop up the good times with the bread of life
go on now and choke it down

your beauty's unfiltered
like the sun in my eyes
enigmatic and golden

a kaleidoscope, a monument
for all the world to see

the last time i saw you this way
was the first time i saw you for what you are
the beauty of the world poured out your eyes
and the pain of life shined in your tear soaked smiles
unabashed, you exploded with all you that were
taking for granted that i could never leave
i meant it then and i mean it now

3

wrote something i can't post right away, i'll swap this for it in a few days.

two

She said "I can't sleep alone
'Cause the dreams are never good.
The terrors come in waves
and won't let me move."
Well I'll trade your nightmares
for some of my sweet dreams.
If it'll let you sleep peaceful,
I would do anything.



...not finished

Riddled With Meaning

I feel
like everything that you say to me
is riddled with meaning.
Without even meaning to
you change my life.
Now I know,
you're tired of the shit that always fills your life.
So come with me
And we'll finally find our own brand of happiness.

Can we talk forever
and sing all about out love lost long ago?
Can we walk together
and show each other the places we have been?
Can we face the weather
and dance in the rain til the morning comes again?

Been Meaning to Know You

i can't deny i been meaning to know you
yeah i must admit i been meaning to know you
there's something wrong, i feel it too
i look around and there's no you

so please don't leave my side
no, please not tonight
girl can't you see that this table was made for two?

i can't deny there's something i want to show you
yeah i must admit that there's something i want to show you
been kept inside for oh so long
one look at you, it's still so strong

i don't want to be alone
so please let me take you home
i am so glad that i'm getting to know you

i can't deny how just much i love you
yeah i must admit to just how much i love you
you've blown all the clouds away
you've turned my darkness into the day

so never leave my side
no please never leave my side
girl can't you see how much i love you?

i can't deny that i have outgrown you
i'm sorry to say that i have outgrown you
this back and forth keeps wearing me down
i can't keep picking myself off the ground

so please just walk away
there's nothing left to say
but i don't regret that i finally know you

i can't deny i been meaning to know you
yeah i must admit i been meaning to know you

one.

i told her "lately i've been cooled and reheated.
something's forging me like a knife.
i don't know where i'm taking this,
but i'm bending til i break."

i swear i had a plan one time, but it's lost in the overgrowth
i can say i've had dreams sometimes, suddenly forgotten by hope






i've got a long way to go yet.

a place for my clever lines

they're a plenty.

just need to work on putting them together in some sort of coherent fashion.

it'll be a place for that too.