kalina remix

what can you say about her?
she who stood so proud in the sun as if to face down god
she could do it
she who in this world
where color leaches from every nook
every cranny every crevasse every mousehole and every atom
so small that the color it brought forth could hardly be a color at all
but an ember
giving the smallest light and life
that no more could spring from it than could a grasshopper spring to mars
it tries, it pleads, it wants, it needs
but it falls so short.
save sneaking onto the first rovers that landed on that dusty red ball
falling down to its surface...
only to die
die as soon as it knows it's first and only and greatest pleasure.

in a world of this far reaching and ambitious color
where even grasshoppers could face down neil armstrong
she had the most
it enveloped
enveloped like after a hot summer rain
or the plunge into an icy river
she was the air and the water and the sky and the night
if i could say the world would be made for one purpose
so bold to say five billion years ago
when after the moon crashed into the surface and formed not one
but two perfect heavenly bodies
and out of those two bodies there was a spark that was hardly a spark
but that spark had friends
and those friends grew and life sprang from the depths of the bubbling
the virulent tempest of sulfur and carbon and heat
and with all that life grew yet more life
and the plants fed animals and animals each other
then man in all his wisdom walked on two legs and threw rocks
built wheels and bridges and destroyed all he had built
only to build it once more
ageless, timeless, life
if i were to be so bold as to say there was a purpose
it would be her
her color her grace her body her mind her soul
she was the reason for the death and life and brilliance

the color that poured forth from her knew no equal
it knew no comparison so what is said falls short like a grasshopper
it flew from her like rushing water
flowing off like angel's wings
she was comfort incarnate and i knew that comfort well
no sadness could breach that color
no turmoil was beyond it's control
even the city trembled beneath the weight of the greatness
the traffic lights yearned toward her trail
the reds and the greens and the yellows wished so desperately to be
be part of that color and swirl into the absolute that it stood for
trees faded in it's presence
as soon as the taste had left their bark
then pop pow bang the green was back and the birds would sing
but they would all be left with a faint memory
something sharp vidid raptious
but it could not be placed
hiding in the back of the mind
ducking from nerve ending to nerve beginning and down to the toes
when the eyes turned away

so this color that wraps itself around the world
how it wrapped around me
the butterfly made of me a cacoon that no spider spit could penetrate
no black and white and grey did ever i see
it was all vibrancy
hues of colors that showed me the cosmos in every direction
i was wrapped in the glory of being
in this coat of many colors that she stitched for me
the stitching was done with her eyes
in and out the thread was woven and by god
it was the warmest anyone had ever been
not hot like a midday sun or fire that had grown too large
too many tree limbs thrown in at once to high too tall too fast
soon you're burned and backing away but it's too late
it's out of control you're running for a hose and you're hoping your mom doesn't find out
no, warm like footie pajamas in the dead of winter
warm like your mother's smile when you're ill
chicken pox or a stomach bug with sprite and crackers
a nightmare crawling into the middle of her bed

these nightmares would pass
the pain would relax and she would still be there
not my mother but my girl with the cocoon of colors who could stare down god
say to him
"i see you standing up there. you looking at me; i know what you're thinking.
you're thinking that you're looking down on me.
well, old man, i have news for you and i'll tell you what it is:
you aren't looking down at me at all you see you're looking me dead in the eyes."
and even god in all his might is startled suddenly
he's brought from his crown of clouds
he's standing face to face
with this girl whose color is fanning behind her like the sun
but even the sun is cowering behind this
this vibrating undulating mass of creation at her back
and god says to her
"yes, yes, you. yes... you, i have dreamt of you.
eons ago, countless millenia and countless more.
you were the the one the thing the absolute
the idea in my mind the taste on my tongue the fire in my belly
by me, it was you!
at last i have found you.
my adonis my perfect creation my life my love."

the laugh that roils from her is enough to make even god
yes mighty god who topples cities and crushes dreams
with but a whim
the laugh bellows and the earth shatters beneath it
men cry and women wail and i cower in her shadow
that shadow that held more color than all of life
"why do you laugh? he'll say teary eyed
"your arrogance shows no bounds. knows no fear.
this color this creation this dream this being...
a waste. i am nothing and yet i am everything
according to you.
i am the reason the rhyme the beginning the end
and nothing exists beyond me.
this color should be for all and for none
shared between the rich and the poor and the old and the young
especially the young.
but instead you have wasted creation on me
i who want nothing but to tell you your flaws
spit in your face
bite your tongue
you leave cocooning the world to me
lazy old fool
there's only so much i can do but you who have unlimited power
unlimited color at your fingers and you spoiled it all on me.

i am nothing and nor are you
empty hopeless foolish dying
now that you've found me, i must say goodbye
i'm killing this color and the sky will cry and the world will moan
the earth will spew from it all the hot fire
and the seas will spit destruction and curse your name
all of creation will curse your name
and i will lead that curse
fall from grace old man
and with it take this color you have brought to me
that you have spoiled like milk
you left it out in the sun and wind
the milk was there to drink and now it's gone
and you have no one to blame but yourself.
so sit there and weep and curse your creations
because we will surely curse you
you and your wisdom and carelessness and life."

i follow in her wake
it's harder now with no color
but her beauty is only just pale of the color she once held
my heart beats like a drum
god the almighty the big guy the king
tossed aside by his perfect creation
his gifts are scorned
his love is broken
as with his heart
and he walked solemnly in the opposite direction into the night
as we walked into the day
the sun was the color that lit the world now
with her color gone, the world was alive
thriving
i could see more beauty than before
more around me than before and i saw what she meant
how it was wasted on one thing instead of spread
to share and love and touch everywhere

i was scared. adrenaline shot through me
a highwire act a dare devil a grand canyon jump
the gap is in front and i plunge headlong
the ramp is getting shorter and shorter
faster faster shorter shorter faster gone
airborne
no fear no turning back
just waiting and hope hope hope hope
even in her cocoon i didn't know a hope like this
fear and hope all mixed in my stomach
churning burning turning ripping me apart
but i smiled.